Poor Dale has it tough enough on the FRONT COVER of CHIP 'N' DALE # 53 (Gold Key Comics, Cover Date July, 1978)...
...Because, while this cute little BUG might appear scary when magnified through the telescope...
...Imagine if Dale could SEE THROUGH THE ENTIRE BOOK...
...And get a gander at what awaits him on THE ISSUE'S BACK COVER!
EEEEK!
I repeat... EEEEK!
Let's learn a little more about this strange creature...
OOOOKAYYY! It breathes AIR! It lives on LAND! And it DOES NOT BITE... (Ulp!) UNLESS MISHANDLED?!
Um, how would I know that I "mishandled" it, until it was too late and my "Friendly Land Crab" put the bite on me?
...And, since it's "one of the LONGEST-LIVED pets on Earth", you can't even get rid of the darned thing, if you find that "...it's just not working out!"
...See? ...SEE? It can live for 70 YEARS!
And you can give it "any kind of food", presumably up to and including... human flesh!
No wonder those chipmunks are running...
...Cause it's only a few short steps from THIS...
...To THIS!
It could have been worse... Someone could have ordered LOBSTER!
That would indeed be "claws" for concern!
8 comments:
I actually owned a cute little hermit crab once and kept it alive for almost a year before getting tired of trying to find new shell homes for it as it grew and took it out to the beach to enjoy the next 70 years in the wild - maybe.
Did you notice that Crazy Crabs were sold by Transcience Corporation, the same folks who brought you The Amazing Sea-Monkeys? Harold von Braunhut was a mastermind at marketing products to young children with such things as X-Ray Specs, The Amazing Hair-Raising Monsters (not unlike what happens when you leave leftovers in the refrigerator too long), and his most brilliant creation, Invisible Goldfish, which never have to be fed and come with a lifetime guarantee that they will always remain invisible! These weren't advertised in comic books however and would never have the same appeal as the whimsical family of sea-monkeys.
Carl:
I’m very glad to know that *your* “Crazy Crab” (even if it didn’t come from a comic-book ad) had a presumed happy life… perhaps STILL DOES! Since you (…and even *I*) haven’t lived 70 years yet!
I just wonder about those kids who were a mite less considerate than you, who may have sent them packing down the toilet tubes! Brrrr! Monster movie in the making, there!
I think I just have an issue with anyone sending “living merchandise” through the mail for fun and profit! Even if it’s not “living” while in transit, as appears to be the case with Sea Monkeys! Toys were one thing; a living creature is quite another! Even as a kid, I knew the difference! I tend to doubt that every-other-kid-out-there-in-comics-reading-land felt the same!
Yeah, I know... It probably happens with pet stores, too. But, at least there, a kid can SEE his acquisition AS a “living creature”, before it arrives via carrier to be “this week’s shiny new thing”. ...And NO comic books are cut up in the process!
You’ll see more such ads discussed here in the future.
I really didn’t notice the seller connection between Crazy Crabs and The Amazing Sea Monkeys, but it makes perfect sense! As you note, it would seem that many of those “novelties” were spawned from the same source!
One final question… If an “Invisible Goldfish” were truly “invisible”, how would you know it was “gold” – much less even a “fish”?
I guess you take it on faith, like the marshmallow-eating polar bear in a zero-visibility blizzard! …Or the GHOST of one!
There should be an Uncle Scrooge story about Invisible Gold, don't you think? (Scrooge, of course, would know it was gold by smell.)
At any rate, funny how these things work out; here in France, the crustaceans that commercials were always trying to get kids to buy weren't "sea monkeys" (odd name, that) but triopses. Triopses — look'em up — are notable mostly because they're "living fossils", who existed in much the same form in the days of the Dinosaurs. So kits for breeding and observing them were sold as part of dinosaurmania, with large pictures of dinosaurs on the boxes.
Achille:
You write: “ Triopses — look'em up — are notable mostly because they're ‘living fossils’, who existed in much the same form in the days of the Dinosaurs. So kits for breeding and observing them were sold as part of dinosaurmania, with large pictures of dinosaurs on the boxes.”
Now there’s ANOTHER potential monster movie in the making! …Eeeek!
If I were Dale, I’d KEEP running!
Hmm...”Chip ‘n’ Dale meet the Crazy Crabs” could have been a story. A crummy one, but sometimes Western Publishing wasn’t too picky about the stories they’d run.
Deb:
*I’d* like a story like that!
Especially if they met Brer Wolverine!
I remember "Crazy Crabs" ads from when I was a kid, and the most disturbing thing about them wasn't the ugliness or potential danger of the creature itself—after all, just READING the ad wouldn't cause a "Crazy Crab" to appear beside me, intent on bodily harm. If I didn't want one, I didn't have to order one!
But... there was another part of that ad that did its damage without my having to order anything: the list of NAMES the ad suggested one could give one's new pet. It interrupted an otherwise ordinary graf of ad copy, ran an alarming fifteen names long (or some such), and included bizarre choices like "Sexy Snookie" and "Leapin' Lena," suggestive of a copywriter flipping out.
I still remember my reaction—it wasn't "help, scary crabs," but rather: "I'd never order a crab from these people... they're crazy."
David:
Where else would you get “Crazy Crabs” from, other than “Crazy PEOPLE”? It adds up!
Given the suggested list of names, I don’t imagine I’d care to see the “designer-decorated Crazy Crab Carrying Crate” offered in the ad!
…Perhaps CHIP should start running too!
Post a Comment